I love to talk about my emotions but I can’t talk about my emotions.
I have always wanted to talk about how I feel. Talk about what lifts me and what pulls me down. Talk about things that I have written- why I used a specific word and what my obscure sentences hide. Talk about things left unwritten- either because they didn’t seem important enough or because I didn’t have courage enough. Talk about things I try hard to remember. Talk about things I’m struggling to forget. Talk when I’m swivelling in euphoria and talk when I’m sinking in despair(usually the latter). All of it basically, to help them understand me.
However, I rarely act upon it.
Sometimes I feel obliged to portray myself as tough and sometimes my pain seems nothing compared to that of the listener. Sometimes I have to put aside my feelings to help others(which, however, I yearn to do).
But most of the times they don’t bother asking.
Those who do bother asking are just curious, not interested.
Those who are interested, get impatient very soon.
Those who are patient, aren’t prepared for the kind of answer I may give.
Those who are prepared, get tired very soon.
Most of those who don’t get tired,don’t know how to accept that side of me.
And those who can accept it don’t know how to handle my unclad self with affection but also respect.
It’s my secret desire to talk in my moments of vulnerability but I don’t think I can do it.