I don’t really vent here on my blog, but for lack of poetic inspiration…and more because of the lack of somebody (who would believe me) who I can shout all of this out to….
I had a four day gap for my examination in my favourite subject.
The first day was spent on my bed, crying for no reason. No books touched, of course.
The second day went by in recovery. By the evening I began studying. However, since I was better, I was pretty sure I’d comfortably finish it all in the next two days.
Third day- plot twist. Something happened which triggered the worst breakdown in a long, long time. It was horrible. I wanted to sink, vanish, sleep, die. Books? Not a question.
Today was the fourth day. I was much better today. I even smiled several on several occasions. I conversed normally. I didn’t cry(the greatest achievement). I did study(another achievement). However, I have not studied everything. Of course.
Not even half. Everything that I aspire for, seems to be crumbling right in front of my eyes. Everything I could have done seems to be going wrong. I try. Every day. But it doesn’t happen. Maybe this is how it’s supposed to be. I always did firmly believe I don’t deserve what I achieve. It’s time others know it as well…