A Conversation Between Me And My Mind

One day I’m smiling and happy- genuinely, not pretending. The next day too I am upbeat and I sing and dance and talk to people and think that I’m getting better. I feel I will see the light. 
It’s crystal clear. I can see the light right there. I am tempted to quicken my pace but I act with patience. I don’t want to mess up. So I take a breath at a time, one step at a time, one battle at a time.. The freedom that I will get on reaching there, you can see in my stride.. That light there, you can see reflecting off my eyes..

I’m walking.. unhurried, happy, relieved… 

I blink

It’s gone

The darnkess again

ME :Towards what was I walking ?

MIND : Towards the illusory light. What were you thinking? Thinking you’ll get over this? Hah!

Was I expecting too much? 

You think this is it? A walk through the darkness and into the light? That easy? Hah!

Why? Did I forget doing something? 

Yes! You forget who you are! You forget just where you’re meant to be!

The dark. Here. In this silence. Here is where you shall lie. Here is where you must live. The light is a cruel illusion. 

But is it only in my head? Am I just lazy? Am I just creating all of this?

Of course you are creating all of this! Of course you are lazy! You want things to be served to you without effort. You are self pitying, miserable and the real problem is- you don’t WANT to be happy! You just want the attention, sympathy and kind words.

But I am not even telling anybody about how I am!

Of course, because you want to gloat in this pretentious altruism of yours. You like to think that you’re keeping others safe by not telling them. Yet, you will sulk and stay silent and snap at people. Hah! Either pretend well or not at all!

I want to sleep.

Of course! That’s the only thing you’re good at. Sleep. Screw up this exam as well. Sleep. Good riddance.

Please don’t send the nightmares. 

Hah! You deserve them! In fact, it’s not long before they’ll come true. But you sleep. Any way, today I’m out of ideas. It’ll be the cliched chase scene. No innovations I promise.

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. darth elmo says:

    I laughed because I read this because I’m glad I’m not the only one in this mess. Also , it’ll be alright eventually.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Kilangyan says:

    ‘you don’t WANT to be happy!’

    This isn’t the first instance of this utterance. That exchange has cut deep, not to mention the ensuing ‘August bout’. Healing this ‘your way’ will be the first step towards salvation. I accept the challenge!

    Liked by 1 person

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